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Synchophrenagoraphobicexpialatrocious

by Alex Audette

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Cameron Edmunds
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1.
The Used 02:59
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Maybe your brain Is slowing down But your smart phone speed Is as fast as sound The world-wide-web Google’s credit card But PageRank bias Means they’ve gone too far The search you do May give you what you seek But your profile stats Only make you weak You’re riding on a cloud Mr. Data and you But the shit he knows The Homeland does too Chorus: You think you’re a user, but you’re really the used Just a cog in the wheel of the growing confused Empowerment comes at the drop of a mouse So turn off that screen and burn down the house Facebook likes all the Likes you like but so do the companies that buy your rights your address and your preferences are on the block but like a few dislikes and give’em a shock search up the random to googley screw their profile page starts to look askew your power’s in the random so take it back your predictability is what they hack C:
2.
Superhero 02:47
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I wanna be a fuckin superhero With my cape in the wind And my tight blue suit Crushin super-villians With a flip of the finger Square-jawed like a Stan Lee brute The world is filled with pricks to kill Any greedy fucker will fit the bill Criminal justice makes me laugh Lets go be-head some more riff-raff I wanna give Lois Lane some grass While Mary Jane takes notes in my class No altered ego Bruce Wayne here No PG-13 musketeer I wanna be a Ro-foe of a good guy Makin people cringe Yet they can’t look away Green lantern light In a red light district Havin myself a field day The Watchmen knew what to do at night With friend and foe locked in their sights Captain America makes me puke With his star striped stupid spandex suit Solo I wanna be a fuckin super hero I wanna give lois lane some of my best grass I wanna be a Ro-foe of a good guy Justice league what do you think about that How do you like me now baby…..
3.
Kevin's Money 02:28
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My name is Kevin And I love money Greed is good You need to get some sonny I work the market To pay my rent Your start-up funds for 51 percent Chorus: Amanda knickers Are beckoning me But the Lang stock exchange Has too high a fee Some call me dragon But I’m really a shark Sharpening my jaws While my Bentley is parked Some silly people Think that charity’s good But the ultra-rich despise Poor Robin Hood While others say Best things in life are free I think you want them more When they come with a fee Religious say The meek inherit the earth But that’s a poor yard-stick To measure net worth A needle eye knows How much a camel drank While the rich man saves at the Vatican bank My TV wife’s the Architect of reason But cold hard cash Is good in any season I’m not concerned about Redemption from doom Just cuddling my money At the height of the boom
4.
Pandemania 02:07
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Refrain: Pandamania takes it’s hold Profiteering bought and sold Chorus 1: You gotta tool box, You got a kit But you’re a god damn, Big nitwit Big money, is all that’s made Cuz the patent office, just got paid only therapies, that cost money forget about, the other ones honey biological terrain, who gives a crap vitamins and herbs, ain’t on the map Chorus 2: Tell everyone, To be afraid Pharmaceutical companies, Just got paid The economy’s, In the shitter Let’s go to war, And hope there’s a winner We’ll blame bats And 5G rays Curl up at home And spend your days Chorus 3: Panic buy, toilet paper Be complicit, In the caper Sanitize Your grubby hands While you get fucked up By the man Look who makes All the money now Investment banks Somehow
5.
Jucy Lucy 02:33
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I’ve never been someone To give up my soul For a pittance You never give your secrets up to others so they gain admittance C: Jucy Lucy Come on and feel me It’s the real me Jucy Lucy There is never Something better Someone clever Looks forever To be profound In a sea of mediocre Running through the weeds You take my hand From the pack of hands reaching I can meet your needs Your mental stare What beautiful negligence you wear When you’re here My mouth is parched Like that dreary day in March My mind unclear End Refrain: I…need…freedom…to breathe…
6.
Messin' 04:12
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Messin’ with my mind Messin’ with my heart Messin’ gotta give me some space Messin’ trying to win the race C: You don’t know what your doin settin off a powder keg Gonna get myself outta this mess… Messin’ with my brain Messin’ with my guts Messin’ show me somethin’ like grace Messin’ take away my face Messin’ with my soul Messin’ with my time Messin’ give me time to regroup Messin’ stewin in my soup
7.
I love Sweden 01:53
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Wanna be complete, Like instructions Store all my things, in a Skub light the room up, with a Tived use a Nyvoll as my bed the Allen key Absolut savior All bevies better In a Lodrat Store’s a maze That I just can’t leave Fell like an experimental rat Chorus: Ikea, Ikea (they got goodies, they got junk) Existentialist’s (particle board) Panacea (it’s all bunk) Ikea, Ikea (they got candles, and some plants) Fundamentalist’s (come and do) Diarrhea (their big dance) Wash my face In an Edeboviken Wipe my mouth With an Oersattlig Sounds cooler when The name sounds strange Gotta shop like a lost guinea pig Nesting instinct Starts to kick in Need an ideal space That’s clean Swedish meatballs Taste so great Why do I feel that I took the bait
8.
Abrevi8me 02:48
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Keep it on the QT LOL English got FUBAR 2EZ as well BYOB gr8 cuz TGIF B4 its 2L8 Did U C that ref? Chorus: Abbrevi8 Me grammar BCNU spelling got KIA punctuation FU OMG words RIP We’re all SOL Give us something less to say MFP in hell I’ll take a BJ make it PDQ Stop’n drop my pants Would U like 1 2? When done XYZ B4 the BBQ Didn’t like the hot dogs OU812 DNC the NDP They sound to PC D6 all those C words This ain’t rated G N word, L word, F word Never use them in P Drop your fucking cell phone And talk to me. talk to me
9.
Sh*t, Shat, Shite 02:48
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Aren’t you bothered by the voices you hear Tellin you that there’s something to fear They say what’s wrong and they day what’s right But deep down you know its shit, shat, shite Deep down…you know its shit, shat, shite Yeah! Scream for change, pennies what you get Trickle down never gets you wet Leaders seem so pretty and bright But what they say is just shit, shat, shite What they say… is just shit, shat, shite Yeah! Word Association… Omnibus…disgust TPP…amputee Separatist…terrorist Right-to-work…knee-jerk Celebration…castration Protest…house arrest Advertisements, propagate lies Pseudo-truth’s new clever disguise When did honesty succumb to hype Now we know it’s all shit, shat, shite Now we know…its all shit, shat, shite GMO…Monsanto-hoe Oil sands…Dead lands Climate change…bottled rage New improved…more steps removed Call recorded…pretty sordid Walmart…Black Art
10.
Acceptable Drunken Behavior 02:48
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You tip the bottle, and the sloppiness starts Telling us to pull your finger, so you can fart Polite restraint has died a casual death Between the puffs on your cigarette Refrain: A little reckless, a little feckless, Slightly dirty, somewhat flirty deviation, more hydration speak your mind with cold calculation your head would look good, on a small key fob boss is a dick, I need another job the government, should give out hand jobs for free under the jury-duty Christmas tree Refrain: Bridge: (in Sean Connery accent) Acceptable, drunken behavior, I’m acting as your bona-fide savior, My name is Bond, first name is James Sophistication’s, not the name of my game Miss Moneypenny I’ll give you a squeeze So hurry up and get up off of your knees There’s nothing wrong with being just a bit tipsy When your getting in the sack with some gypsies Just take a Ro-Fo of a brief respite Tell jour-na-lists they look like trans-ves-tites Your mother hammered in what manners were for Martinis show you how to even the score R: If farts were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard Booze makes me, a tongue twisting wizard The lips are loosened, with copious sauce Scorch your ears and leave you at a loss
11.
Someday Oneday 03:54
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Someday…One Day You might find yourself fed up Hey Hey… Someday… One Day Hell might keep your heaven at bay Promises lost in time When you’re facing the firing line Naught but the ghost of a chance When you’re doin’ the desperate dance Someday… One day The crime you commit will be hearsay Someday… One day The one you love you might betray Innocence falls away like trust Time changes your ideals to dust Mirror reflects what you hate Gravitas is a deadly weight Someday…One day You’ll wake up and see your youth’s gone gray Someday…One day The cheque’s come due you’ll have to pay You’ll reap the seads you sow From the debts you incurred to grow Live your life then leave this place Hang on to what’s left of grace Someday…One day You may not get to have your say Someday…One day The predator in you might be prey Say you’ll come along for the ride Even though you feel the need to hide Life’s just a path to the end Walked better when you’re with a friend Someday… One day You’ll find its all a big cliché Someday… One day Cannot make much more headway Roadblocks barring every path Suffering in the aftermath Dark times seeming less ideal Blocking your ability to feel
12.
Stray Kitty 02:56
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Kitty, Kitty where you at Kitty, Kitty come back My kitty whines when he can’t go out When it rains that kitty just pouts The way he sounds you’d think he was ill Guess there’s mice that he needs to kill My kitty don’t ever come home on time Wakes me all hours no reason or rhyme One day he might not ever come back Don’t give me a heart attack Give me a break let me sleep in today 5:30 ain’t a great time to play…. Your life of idleness depends on my day Stop wearin me out hey, hey Solo… Bridge My lovely wife mostly gives you your way You just keep buggin her, till she says OK I’m the mean one, so leave me alone But you don’t, that's why I groan My kitty don’t ever come home on time Wakes me all hours no reason or rhyme One day he might not ever come back Don’t give me a heart attack

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released April 29, 2020

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Alex Audette Guelph, Ontario

Alex Audette is an acupuncturist with a few points to make via music.

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